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Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Married to a molester?

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Message 120464 (In Reply to Message 120459)

Posted by steve on Oct 25, 2003 01:17 PM | Also by steve

Gender: Male, Age Bracket: 30 - 39, State: Virginia, Country: United States

> I am also curious what state you live in or are you even in the US?

Her user profile shows she lives in California, United States. That's also visible above all of her posts.

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Message 120459
just a question, not a criticism

Posted by myoung on Oct 25, 2003 05:01 AM | Also by myoung

Gender: N/A, Age Bracket: N/A, State: Pennsylvania, Country: United States

I might also mention I didn't know the child was 12 at this time. I thought he was 16, which was bad enough, but I think I would have done *something* had I known he was 12. 
I am just curious....would it have been somewhat acceptable if the minor was 16 and not a child of 12?  I am also curious what state you live in or are you even in the US?  I can certainly sympathize and empathize with your story although, in my case, I was not married to my first husband that long and left him when the suspicions began..  My eldest daughter (who is now 15) came home from a weekend stay with her father when she was three and said some pretty disturbing things about the events of her stay.  She apparently knew/learned during her weekend stay what ejaculation (she called it the white stuff from daddy's peepee) smelled like and told us that it tasted yucky.  My mind was ablaze with fear and anger!  We were, obviously, already separated at the time so divorce was even easier after that!!  But regardless, I understand the want to make it not so....still make it right and change the whole thing so your marriage and life can get back to "normal".  I remember feeling like wanting to get him help because I still had so many unmanageable feelings for him.  He has since passed away so that chapter is closed and I will never know exactly what happened.....not that he would ever tell me.  He did seem ashamed which is something your husband does not seem to display except for the fact that he adamantly denies it.  Now it is simply time to step up to the plate and do the right thing.  He may not be rehabilitatable but then again, he might be.  He needs help and you love him so it only seems right that you should be the one to call the police and tell them of your suspicions and his strange behaviors that he obviously made some pretty convincing rationalizations for.  Don't feel guilt for the time you think you're throwing away (leave him and move on with your life...easier said than done.....I know).  All those years don't sound like they were the greatest years for you.  You should have been and deserved to be happy all of those years with the occasional bump in the road.  Not constantly fighting for your marriage and feeling like a failure because you could not change him.  That isn't what marriage is about.  Keep your chin up.  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.  There isn't much in this world you can tell me that would shock me so I am here if you need me also:)

Thread

120417, ladyjane, Oct 24, 2003 06:48 PM [This is a long story, sorry.]
      120418, steve, Oct 24, 2003 07:08 PM [Get counseling for yourself, stay strong]
      120419, tessa, Oct 24, 2003 07:46 PM [Please listen.]
      120420, tessa, Oct 24, 2003 07:51 PM [Sorry]
            120426, orolan, Oct 24, 2003 10:39 PM
            120431, PVulcan, Oct 24, 2003 11:17 PM
                  120435, SurvivorForever, Oct 25, 2003 12:49 AM [Lady]
      120436, dp1, Oct 25, 2003 01:22 AM [Call 911]
            120455, Silverthorne, Oct 25, 2003 03:57 AM [Call the cops]
      120459, myoung, Oct 25, 2003 05:01 AM [just a question, not a criticism]
            120464, steve, Oct 25, 2003 01:17 PM
                  120479, myoung, Oct 25, 2003 09:12 PM [oops, didn't even notice]
                        120480, ladyjane, Oct 25, 2003 10:50 PM [Not from CA - I must have goofed.]
                              120483, steve, Oct 25, 2003 11:26 PM [Leaving home may be temporary]
                                    120510, ladyjane, Oct 26, 2003 03:08 PM [Leaving would be a matter of ...]
                                          120517, orolan, Oct 26, 2003 04:59 PM
                              120557, myoung, Oct 27, 2003 12:51 PM [mixed bag]

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Sex Offender Registries, Sex Offenders Search, News, Info and Discussion

Forum: Victims and Survivors CornerThread (Discussion): Married to a molester?

Message 120464 (In Reply to Message 120459)

Message 120459just a question, not a criticism

Thread

Forum: Victims and Survivors Corner

Thread (Discussion): Married to a molester?

Message 120459
just a question, not a criticism