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Thread (Discussion): No Alternatives = Molesting Kids? - Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Message 118222
No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_Silverthorne
on Oct 14, 2003 01:07 PM | Also by x_Silverthorne
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I posted this as a reply to a post a couple of pages back but I then realized its good stuff so I decided to give it its own thread.
I was talking about pedophilia and how many people will eventually act out (Anti had asked). While all I could do was guess I posted this reply as well and thought of this question:
GIVEN THE LACK OF SEXUAL OUTLETS FOR PEOPLE WITH PEDOPHILIA IS IT REASONABLE TO ASSUME THEY CAN RESIST "FOREVER"?
The post:
Pedophilia means sexual attraction to children but it takes on many different forms. Some people like me are whats called "fixated pedophiles". Our age of attraction is set in stone and inflexible. Then theres the H.Pierce variety that while liking youngsters can also perform with adults (more a preference then anything else as either will work).
The study I posted a link to a few months ago in Canada mentioned a breakdown of certain types of sex offenders and their recidivism rates. Not exact but the numbers were around:
4% of incest offenders reoffended.
15% of non-incest offenders reoffended.
39% of fixated sex offenders reoffended.
I think alot of it has to do with alternatives. While some people with pedophilia have alternatives the fixated pedophile, specifically the ones attracted to boys, don't really have an outlet.
In my case in the past and now I've made a decision to seek out adult partners even though its not my first choice (or any choice) but simply because I need SOME physical contact. Masturbation and ammonia capsules just dont do it all the time. There has to be "something" else. I've started seeing someone - a gay male in his 30's - and we're spending some time together. While this isn't really my thing it WILL satisfy the need for physical intimacy. Those who read my article this year in the paper will recall this from the story:
"In December 1991, another psychiatrist wrote: "He said he has made what is, in effect, an anatomically correct dummy as a substitute for the boys that he can't have. He has remodeled it several times, and now it has assumed the role of a real person. He named it Matt after the son of a hockey coach he found attractive. He has bought clothes for this dummy and has quite a wardrobe. He sleeps with it, hugs it, comforts it and has it hug him. Occasionally he does 'stuff' to it."
Now I read that today and think "God that was sick". Well I was sick and I needed something (something I wasn't getting). While it appears "sick" it also kept me from acting out. It also filled a need (in an unhealthy way) for "comfort" and "contact". So you see there need to be alternatives to sexual abstinence because some people can't cope without that contact.
For the fixated pedophile with no outlets, therapy or social skills its a recipe for disaster. I'd estimate over 50% of these people will eventually commit some kind of sex crime be it molestation, pornography, obsecene phone calls, window peeping or whatever. Either that or suicide will come into play. They have no outlets and THAT I believe is why so many eventually molest or reoffend.
Silverthorne
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Message 118229 (In Reply to Message 118222)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_orolan
on Oct 14, 2003 03:06 PM | Also by x_orolan
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Silver,
Certainly a good question and concept. From my experiences in talking to people, I recall one story with some relevance.
There is a man I know who has not had sex in 14 years. His sister contracted AIDS and died from it. Since she died, he has been terrified of the possibility of contracting it himself.
Since 1989 he has satisfied his sexual needs through masturbation, using pornography as a stimulus. The pornography he views does not contain actual depictions of sex, but many of the poses are quite suggestive. He has contact with women, and even goes out on dates with them. The women are actually happy to go out for a night on the town without the added "pressures" of a sexual tryst afterwords. These outings apparently satisfy his needs for interaction with members of the opposite sex.
I guess my question/point here would be, "Is it possible for a pedophile to do the same thing, including frequent interaction with children, and not actually commit an offense?"
What is it about this man that makes this possible? Is his fear that great, that it can fully overcome any desire for physical intimacy? Can "fear" have the same effect on a pedophile? If it were legal, could child soft-porn be a viable tool to prevent offenses, or would it "fuel" the desire as some claim it does?
Just throwing it out for discussion. Your thoughts?
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Message 118231 (In Reply to Message 118229)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_Silverthorne
on Oct 14, 2003 03:36 PM | Also by x_Silverthorne
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I believe "yes" it is possible for someone to have no alternatives and not act out. I for one would love to coach hockey again. I've got several championship rings from a very high level of hockey and played since I was four years old (I still remember being pushed out onto the ice at the arena by my mom). So I have alot to give and am a very accomplished coach.
Could I coach? Yes. Could I coach and not molest boys? Yes. Should I coach? Proably not.
Why not? Because I don't need the added stress. In my case while I'm sure I'm safe I find my biggest problem dealing with pedophilia is a lack of self esteem. I tend to beat myself up over it alot and become very hard on myself. If I do coach and find the boys attractive I may start with the "your garbage for thinking like that" again. I don't need the stress.
So you see not going around kids for me doesn't have anything to do with keeping kids safe. Because of my morals and beliefs I won't abuse them. But it has EVERYTHING to do with keeping my mental health on track.
Silverthorne
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Message 118241 (In Reply to Message 118229)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_Rob
on Oct 14, 2003 05:22 PM | Also by x_Rob
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Orolan & Silverthorne:
Just read the above posts, I realized what you are talking about are "Interventions" these are key to any Relapse Prevention Plan (RPP). Pedophile or otherwise.
What you both describe is no different, in principle, than when a doctor prescribes blood pressure medicine to be taken to keep blood pressure down. Don't take it, heart attack or stroke!
Intervention have the same effect, and RPPs may have many different kinds of "interventions" each keeping in check what it was designed for. Don't use interventions means high risk of acting out again, or actually acting out!
Silver, you "estimated over 50%" will act out again, I don't know if the % is correct or not, whats relevant is, it also says SOME WILL NOT ACT OUT AGAIN! Hence the intervention they are using are working!
Interventions work!
It also says there are some who can live without acting out!
Rob
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Message 118313 (In Reply to Message 118229)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_TessaW
on Oct 16, 2003 04:14 PM | Also by x_TessaW
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God! forbid that that ever happens silver.Who's childs photograph do you suggest may be used for the so called "Soft Porn", to help paedophiles. Would you like relatives of yours used.I bet not.
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Message 118315 (In Reply to Message 118313)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_orolan
on Oct 16, 2003 07:23 PM | Also by x_orolan
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"Who's childs photograph do you suggest may be used for the so called "Soft Porn", to help paedophiles"
Start with the nudist photos that are so old and commonplace that they are in the "public domain". They were put in magazines and sold throughout Europe, and even in the US for a while. I'm sure the FBI or Customs has them archived somewhere.
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Message 118322 (In Reply to Message 118313)
Excuse me?
Posted by x_Silverthorne
on Oct 17, 2003 02:29 AM | Also by x_Silverthorne
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I didnt advocate using child porn. What I said was there were very few options out there and that was one of them. I wasn't evaluating the pros and cons of it.
Silverthorne
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Message 118356 (In Reply to Message 118229)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_Mark
on Oct 20, 2003 08:25 AM | Also by x_Mark
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When i read such letters as this, it makes me worry about the author. You just put it out there for discussion, but to be honest, there's nothing to discuss! Whatever way you look at it, anything to do with children and sexual gratification is wrong and even the most severe penalty for these offenders will never be enough!
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Message 118419 (In Reply to Message 118222)
Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?
Posted by x_Sisco
on Oct 27, 2003 10:30 AM | Also by x_Sisco
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The first thing the recovering alcoholic learns is that you don't continue to go into a bar.
Temptation leads to relapse.
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Thread
118222, x_Silverthorne, Oct 14, 2003 01:07 PM [No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118229, x_orolan, Oct 14, 2003 03:06 PM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118231, x_Silverthorne, Oct 14, 2003 03:36 PM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118241, x_Rob, Oct 14, 2003 05:22 PM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118313, x_TessaW, Oct 16, 2003 04:14 PM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118315, x_orolan, Oct 16, 2003 07:23 PM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118322, x_Silverthorne, Oct 17, 2003 02:29 AM [Excuse me?]
118356, x_Mark, Oct 20, 2003 08:25 AM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
118419, x_Sisco, Oct 27, 2003 10:30 AM [Re: No Alternatives = Molesting Kids?]
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