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Forum: Old Message Board
Thread (Discussion): what now? - Re: what now?
Message 100251
what now?
Posted by x_noway
on Oct 25, 2001 07:39 PM | Also by x_noway
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I am a sex offender. I did all of my time, and I've been out for about 2 1/2 years or so. I registered as I was supposed to when I first got out. I found a fairly decent job, a place to live, and a great girlfriend. I was rebuilding my life, slowly but surely. Yes, I did tell my girlfriend what I was in prison for, not instantly, but when it became obvious we were heading for a real relationship. We moved in together and then a month later the state decides to do public notification on me. Then I got evicted. So I moved, did I register my new address? Whould you? eventually they caught up with me - no suprise. But, after talking with me a bit, the agent in charge of my area said he would 'accidently' forget my next notification notice if I would go register. I did. That was a suprise. I was able to continue with my life. The following year I received my verification notice, filled it out and returned it. This time the state decided to do a full community notification. Guess what, I got evicted again, lost my job, and my girlfriend and I split up. I discovered the whole ordeal (which was/is way more complicated than I'm going to go into here) had been bothering her way more than she let me know - she was even contemplating sucide. She loves me dearly, but can't deal with the stress and embarassesment. So, to make a long story short, I gave her pretty much everything, got her settled in a new place, and took my personal stuff and left. She seems to be doing ok now - I hope. But, what do I do now? I can't find a job, I can't find a place to live, I'm low enough on money now that even if I did figure out what to do I probably couldn't do it.
Yeah, I committed a crime, a horrible crime. I paid for it, I will continue to pay for it. It wouldn't go away even if there were no such thing as registration/notification. However, at this point all that is mute. I still have to exist somewhere, somehow. But how? In my case all this notification business has done is to take me from being a productive tax and child support paying citizen and leave me with nowhere to turn. So maybe one of you has a suggestion. I'd be glad to hear it. Don't bother with the nasty responses though - unless you really need the self-edification. They aren't going to help the situation, and they really aren't going to disturb me that much - at this point I have bigger problems.
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Message 100255 (In Reply to Message 100251)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_sara
on Nov 05, 2001 06:30 AM | Also by x_sara
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no way....thank you for showin that indeed another side exists in the dilema of offender registration. I cant say the system works...because for the most part I see evidence everyday that is doesnt. Its clear we need some solution. For some registration is the only small thing we have to deter an offender from repeating his/her crime. I was abused for many many years...for me I only know that continuing to protect by silence is wrong and allows offenders to continue. Do I believe this is true for all offenders NO, Do I believe some need a chance...yeah actually reading some of the stories makes me KNOW that we need something BETTER than this. BUT WHAT?? I have no answers and wish someone did. I want access to the offender list in my state for reasons of safety. Not because I want to go harass anyone, though Im sure thats not always the case. So tell me no way, what is the answer??
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Message 100264 (In Reply to Message 100255)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_
on Nov 09, 2001 12:30 PM | Also by x_
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WHAT LEND YOU TO BECOME A SEX OFFENDER?
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Message 100285 (In Reply to Message 100251)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_Denise
on Nov 27, 2001 03:55 AM | Also by x_Denise
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The sad thing is, our notification laws promote fear. The recidivism rate is lower for sex offenders than it is for thieves and murders, yet where are their community notifications? Not to mention, how educated are the police handing out and/or mailing the notifications?
It's sad, but I was looking at Mexico or Canada, where the notification laws don't exist.
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Message 100291 (In Reply to Message 100251)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_Nichole
on Nov 27, 2001 01:15 PM | Also by x_Nichole
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I'm proud of you. :) That is all. I hate Sex offender registry.
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Message 100300 (In Reply to Message 100251)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_Nichole
on Nov 28, 2001 04:26 PM | Also by x_Nichole
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I don't understand how they can say that the sex offender registration is not a 'punishment'. Look how it tears apart people who love each other. The poor sex offenders can't even find homes to live in now, and yet it isn't a punnishment. I'm sorry for your luck, and I am glad that you know what you did wrong (hence my confussing message above). I am sorry that you and your girlfriends relationship couldn't make it. I too, am a girlfriend of a sex offender and it is very tough. I have known from day one that my fiancee is a sex offender, and I know what he did and who pressed charges and why things turned out the way they did. He now sees himself a sex offender, and with being on a registry has made his self esteem so low that he commited another crime. I have seen girls try to press charges on him for stuff he never even did (I know because I was with him). And yet it isn't a punnishment. I would like to know what a punnishment is. If public humiliation, homelessness, and not being able to have a relationship isn't cruel and unusual, it should be concidered a punishment! Unfortuantely, I don't know what you can do... Move to a srare where the registering laws are mor leinent. (sorry!) I wish you the best of luck, and hope that soon you can LIVE your life.
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Message 100410 (In Reply to Message 100251)
Re: what now?
Posted by x_justin
on Dec 14, 2001 02:31 PM | Also by x_justin
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You did the crime.
The registry keeps you and others from forgetting that.
Unfortunatly your repentence is not enough for the world to be safe. Maybe you personally are reformed, but assuming that would leave society open to your advantage.
You still live in the first world.
You are still alive.
You might one day outlast/live the need for these registries.
But, based on guys like John Wiskin, I don't see It coming.
By inflaming the argument and denying the casuse and even the crime, people who claim to support you are backing rational people into a corner where they must generalize against you to protect themselves and their children.
Be strong.
And find some way to gain trust.
If any pedophiles are reading this... be warned.
It isn't worth it.
Stay in your closet.
Please.
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Thread
100251, x_noway, Oct 25, 2001 07:39 PM [what now?]
100255, x_sara, Nov 05, 2001 06:30 AM [Re: what now?]
100264, x_, Nov 09, 2001 12:30 PM [Re: what now?]
100285, x_Denise, Nov 27, 2001 03:55 AM [Re: what now?]
100291, x_Nichole, Nov 27, 2001 01:15 PM [Re: what now?]
100300, x_Nichole, Nov 28, 2001 04:26 PM [Re: what now?]
100410, x_justin, Dec 14, 2001 02:31 PM [Re: what now?]
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